Welcome to the Twilight Zone

Things have been a little strange around here lately. I have fleetingly been experiencing something that the astute reader might realize is highly unlikely, job satisfaction. So unprecedented is this state that it has momentarily and profoundly shaken my patterns of usual behaviour. But more on that Later, let's just examine why it is so marvelous that I might actually want to go to work this week.

Why it is Crazy

a) I have actually been working on Project Negative Value. It isn't something that usually brings me great levels of joy on a usual basis. Actually, usually discussion of this project makes me want to Sylvia Plath myself (stick my head in the oven, not read The Bell Jar). It still sort of does. But this time I was doing work that I secretly hope will help derail the futility.

b) I have had to go to MEETINGS OF DOOM where there was lots of yelling and pointed questions and when we weren't meeting, we were prepping materials for the next meeting, which would commence as soon as the latest edit was done.

c) I had no time to do a Pirate quiz or virtual yahtzee. Having to work at work usually sucks.

Why I enjoyed it

a) I was able to do analysis. Marie is probably going to catch it from letting me take a break from my regular scheduling duties (from which I was already on enforced hiatus because there are only so many hours you can schedule). But she asked me to do what I have been university trained to do: analyze. And it involved research. My toes are curling at the very thought.

b) I was treated as an expert. I was all of the sudden a trusted source of information, someone who had answers, or if I didn't have them right then, I could get them. My initiatives were treated as insight the would have otherwise been unable to obtain. It doesn't matter that I am not an expert and anyone with half a brain and internet access could have collected the same information, and anyone with a working knowledge of, and a working calculator could have done it.

c) I was praised. Relying on someone and thanking them are two different things entirely, which is something I do not think that Earnesto has yet learned.

d) A little more indicative of my character flaws, I really enjoyed being part of something that throws a spanner into Earnesto's pie-in-the-sky dreaming. As my roommate has frequently said, I really f@#$% his s#$% up.

More on this later

Meanwhile, let's return to our sheep

That's a much funnier phrase in French, trust me.

Still, my dearest coworker Camille informs me that today is "Talk like a Pirate day." In honor of this day, I have taken many a pirate quiz and endured many 'Ahoy' and 'avast' comments. I have also worked on my plan to take over the world, because while talking like a pirate certainly honors their collective memory, nothing shows how much I truly respect and revere them like following in their crooked footsteps. What with my vacant heart and blotted soul, I am well on my way to piracy.

With Defiance, and some peanut butter

Yesterday was one of the few days of the year when anyone who thinks at his fine institution that they should have say over what I do piles it up (their insane requests) and then drops it on me like a ten ton truck. I had to work. In fact, I have a surfeit of actual work to do right now. And what am I doing? Blogging, with defiance, and some peanut butter.

Because I don't think we are seeing eye to eye right now. How outrageous is it that I requested access to the datebase of contact information for people I am supposed to be trying to schedule with Earnesto?? In my crazy pov, the only outrage is that the request has to go through 3 people now. Earnesto's always talking about how we need to act nimbly (that's a quote). Well, my nimbility on this issue is being severely impaired by spangly hoops I am being forced to jump through.

Furthermore, just because someone is working on Project Negative Value, it does not make them my boss. It makes them a b-f-b = blind-following-blind. Or Lemming. Some people didn't get that memo. Maybe they were being distracted by some eyewash. I hope they choke on it.

Please pardon my vitriolic rage. It appears we are fresh out of pinatas

Why I am not a nurse

In some people, empathy lives in never-ending stores, like bottomless wells of the stuff. And in me, I have a small bottle of the stuff.

Is that the mo0st fair way to say this? I don't know. I don't laugh at the sufferers. I just was raised in a bit of a bootstrap environment. As in, "pull yourself up by those bootstraps and stop whining and go kick some butt." And when it came to being sick, it was "stand up straight and smile and you'll feel better by lunchtime." Direct quote. Not joking.

So when Earnesto smashed his finger yesterday morning, and was convinced it was broken, I was "oh well, that sucks." It is broken. and he had to bin his carefully crafted schedule to go to the doctor twice to be told yes it is broken, no, we don't do anything about this kind of break.

It's like he is made of papier-mache. He did have a life-threatening illness within the past five years. That will make you take care of yourself better, be a little more cautious. But when he took more time off for a trifling cold than I did for mono, that's outside of enough. Stand up straight, I want to yell, and make yourself feel better. It's only a ring finger.

Maybe that's why, in the Pirate Quizzes, I always get such a good rating. Black spot on my soul (after the Sydney Olympics), and space in my heart, and the like.

When Things are officially strange

With Earnesto out for the rest of the week, I was at liberty to waste time with the maximum efficiency today. I did so well I didn't have time to write at work. But prior to playing games, taking quizzes, and leaving a word for Henry, I took the time to review my resumé and update it. I felt pretty satisfied with my changes. But when I in passing mentioned my actions to my supervisor Marie, she had some strong feelings. As in editorial changes to improve my chances in getting hired somewhere away from this crazy-house.

And that's jut it. You know things are odd when your supervisor is editing your c.v. You know things are strange when she encourages you to go on vacation and work from home. You know things are off when you spend 30 minutes discussing humus.

But on the upside, I think my resumé is rocking. And I have time to play Yahtzee.

All this time I was working?

Today I was talking to my boss (the one who is my titular boss at least) and it revealed something to me I never had realized. All I really need to do is a few token things and sit at my desk all day. He doesn't know what else I do, besides schedule his super-dull Meetings of Doom (Parts I and II). We were talking about how this one lady I work with was driving me nuts about planning a party for someone on their way out. Then it happened, he opens his mouth and says "Why is it bothering you? It's not like you're doing anything besides scheduling."

I tried to explain that I did more and went into details, but his eyes glazed over and I just barely refrained from beating him. Those of you who know me know this is somewhat miraculous. I then went to talk with my boss (the one I don't technically report to anymore, but who actually cares what I do) and she said, "good. Stop working so hard. Do more nothing."

So my new resolution is to stop and smell the roses. Read more ESPN. Take the online pirate quiz. Write more banal emails to vague acquaintances. Brush up my resume and apply for a job that expects more out of me than being a mannequin with a blackberry.