What Dante means to me

Or: How a man who lived centuries ago and wrote pointed political satire has kept me just this side of sane.

I know, I know, good people believe in thing like the golden rule and turning the other cheek. I try very hard to follow these things as well, I do not mean to mock them. I respect more than I can say the good people who can follow such rules because among their ranks you will not find me.

Because good people do not mentally plot out elaborate revenge against people who have worked meticulously to make life more difficult. And I do. You know the kind of obnoxious troublesome people I am talking about. The ones who always manage to ruin a month running day by pawning off some emergency on you, an emergency that they have been lovingly whittling for you for weeks as you frantically try to fix the last one they foisted on you.

I work, a many people in this good world, with a great population of vastly annoying persons. I have the unenviable tasks of having until recently (and perhaps still do) have two direct supervisors in high ranking positions within the institution. And I have the bonus of many well-meaning souls thinking that they too qualify for supervisorship of my position.

And this is what Dante does for me. He gives me comfort that it i not abnormal to imagine your antagonists being tortured in various ways for their perceived sins. He provides stunning visualisations for the moments that I am so infuriated I cannot think of original ways to torture a person. And he motivates me to think creatively and put pen to paper rather than shoving pen through the eye of the person who just told me that the multi-million dollar mistake they just made is somehow my fault.

And What, pray tell, is a creative Engine?

Men, I understand, in the general way of things are pretty big into engines. I know this is a sweepingly broad statement that fails to account for the men who know nothing about engines and the women who love the things. But perhaps this generality explains the incredibly meteoric rise in the company catchphrase "Creative Engines" and its variant, "Engines of Creativity."

What is a Creative Engine? I had the chance to ask the originator of the phrase, or the perpetuator. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he was drunk at the time, and all he could say was things like 'shops,' 'ideas,' and 'groovy.' Not very illuminating.

My thought is it is a phrase designed to be somehow inspirational and yet still vague enough to allow them to not know what they are doing or commit them to something solid. And I hate the term. It makes us sound life we are all at work driving leopard print big rigs or something, or some crazy train.

I made that point (unwisely) to the co-perpetuator of the term, and oh, he has yet to forgive me. Imagine an executive huffing about how I don't grasp the nuances of the term. He wouldn't share those nuances. That's super-top-secret. That's on a need-to-know basis, and apparently, NO ONE needs to know.

I just wish that I had some pictures of potential creative engines.

Relative Class

What does it mean to be classy? Does it mean flashy, debonair, suave, what? Or does it mean not going to the press with disparaging comments about other players? Because to me, Class does not mean coming out and calling other players dirty, no matter what you think.

I used to really respect Amare Stoudemire. I used to think he was an amazingly skilled player. I still give him props for size and skill, and applaud his absolutely classless statement to the press when he called the Spurs a "dirty team." That last clause was sarcastic.

In his statement, he said that Bowen should have had more class than to try to injure him. Amare, you should have more class than to call out another player by calling him dirty.

Other people, IE Isiah Thomas, have alleged that Bowen is dirty. However, these people are clearly in the minority. Otherwise, how did Bowen get on the All-Defensive Team, with the most votes?

Moreover, basketball, for all of fouls, is a contact sport. It may not be hockey, but it sure isn't golf. If that wasn't the case, then why did in 2003 people refer to Manu Ginobli and Tony Parker as soft, and recommend hard fouls as they drove to the basket in order to stop penetration? The game demands physicality and resilience, and if you're frightened that you might fall apart if touched, then you might need to remove yourself from the game. A game where feet and arms are flying around, where you are injured by your own teammates, and season-ending injuries often have no direct culprits.

So, speaking of whining, it's time to have a stiff and silent upper lip and trust the league and officials to call the game, because no matter how much the court of public opinion might sympathize, it's what happens on the real court that gets you the ring and trophy.

A Bunch of Whiners?

I was reading through comments posted on a prominent sports website when I was shocked to see that people considered the Spurs, my dear boys, whiners. As in accredited Whinery Vintage 1999 complete with Cheese and Grapes. What are these people seeing that I am not? Have I become blinded to the truth? Has my inexplicable dating preference for obnoxiously complainy types been transferred to my choice of Basketball Team? Was that how they wooed me away from the hometown team?

I think not, because I grew up in Portland, and a sorrier bunch of whiny, excuse-making petty-class criminals you would never find. And sadly, that also very closely matches some of my earliest dating habits. No, surely if this was the reason, I would still be supporting the Trailblazers, who have the "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" fan relationship down pat.

Plus, the David Robinson, my second favorite Spur of all time, was hardly a whiner. You just don't learn that at the Naval Academy.

This does not preclude the possibility that the current crop of player could be whiny brats. So I thought, here in the season of the Technical Crackdown (not as roll-y-off-the-tongue as Year of the Boar, but the title none the less), there would be proof of the claims. I checked the stats. In the top 50 for the regular season of Technicals, Rasheed Wallace tops the list, almost as a matter of rote. He does have a reputation to uphold. Second is Amare Stoudemire, with a total of 15. Tied for 9th is Dirk Nowitski, with 12. The Only Spur in the Top 50, Tim Duncan, comes in tied for 15th with 9, I have Have to argue that 1 of those, if not 2, came in the highly dubious Joey Crawford incident in the end of the season.

In fact, of the teams still in the Playoffs, the Technical Crown can be awarded to Detroit Pistons, with 4 players, Wallace, Richard Hamilton, Antonio McDyess, and Chauncey Billups all in the top 50. Next up is Phoenix with 3: Bell, Stoudemire, and Nash. Please note, this is strictly a quantitative analysis of the number of players on the team who are in the list. It is not even per team who has the most. I can't calculate that and still look like I am working. New Jersey, Utah, and Golden State all have 2 players on the list, Chicago, Cleveland, and San Antonio only 1.

I know this doesn't tell you why the Technicals were called, or the relative validity and severity of the call. But, IF we were to take it as a quick peek into relative whine levels, well then, the Spurs aren't doing to badly now.

Another thing I can't do at work is watch each game to measure whine. But, I call on my voluminous memory, and recall that the Spurs do speak with the referees quite a bit. Is all communication with Refs whining? No. It could be lobbying, discussion, clarification, a joke, a compliment on hair, a review of the latest hot album to drop.

I propose that the Spurs are masterful lobbyists. On par with the D.C. Tobacco Lobby. They get the earnest look of serious consideration and furrow their brows and use well articulated hand-gestures. They balance claiming fouls with contesting them. When Manu flops (I adore him, but he does flop), and doesn't get the call, he gets up. And the on-court behavior matches the off-court. You don't find them shooting off at the mouth between games. It may have won them a couple of games, but it sure didn't win all of them.

This may be a skill set that others around the league don't admire. Probably because they don't have it. But it is a skill. So suck it up. Don't embarrass yourself by whining about it. They would be just too much.

My Favorite Dave, and other names

I just found out that my Favorite Dave is getting married to some girl named Sarah. That's right ladies, Davey G. is officially off the market (Unless you act really fast). This is after finding out (although I've known for months) that my Second-Favorite Dave is also getting married, to a Sarah. My Third-Favorite Dave is David Robinson, who really isn't a Dave at all, and he is also married. I don't thing numbers 4, 5, and 6 on my favorites list are married yet, but it looks like my single-friend-Dave may becoming an endangered species. (Update, I just realized #6 is married! Oh, tragic!)

This is concerning because Dave is one of those names where I actually did like a lot of them an awful lot. It's rare that I find a name where I know and like enough people to require a list ranking. And It's not just because there are a lot of Daves. there are also a lot of Chris' and Mikes, but I haven't had to list yet. I could probably hammer out a Chris list in ten minutes, but it wouldn't be perfect and wouldn't compare to my list of Daves. Daves just tend to be of a higher quality than other men. And also inexplicably attracted to girls named Sarah, which is upsetting because that's not my name (but that is a song).

I am resigned. I will just have to get to know more Andys, Zachs, and Steves, because I need to find a name that I can list as my favorite, bumping Daves. Daves #1-29, watch out.